Illogical Variant
by LemmingofGlory

Class: Any
Tag: Your name should be displayed as your tag. Your tag goes where a name usually goes and the tag is "Logic". For example, an Illogical character named "Killer" would be Logic(Killer).

Rules

The idea of this variant is play your character illogically, at least in some respects. These irregularities should become apparent as you read on. Hopefully, other players will notice irregularities when they game with you. :)

Statistics

Distribute your statistics illogically. Whenever you gain a level up, look at your statistics and decide how you would want to distribute your statistics if you were playing normally (Be honest!), then do the opposite. The Neglect-O-Meter will help clear things up.

Neglect-O-Meter
Warriors
If you would give to Strength, put into Vitality.
If you would give to Vitality, put into Magic.
If you would give to Magic, put into Dexterity.
If you would give to Dexterity, put into Strength.
Rogues
If you would give to Dexterity, put into Vitality.
If you would give to Vitality, put into Strength.
If you would give to Strength, put into Magic.
If you would give to Magic, put into Dexterity.
Sorcerers
If you would give to Magic, put into Vitality.
If you would give to Vitality, put into Dexterity.
If you would give to Dexterity, put into Strength.
If you would give to Strength, put into Magic.

This doesn't mean you need to put ALL of the level up points into that particular statistic. It simply means that you should put the number of points that you were going to distribute to X into Y instead.

If you max a statistic and are thus unable to put points into it, follow the list and put points into the statistic that the points should go into next. Say you'd put points into Magic and you're a Sorcerer, you'd put points into Vitality, but Vitality is maxed. Points now go into Dexterity.

This is only crippling if you honestly decide how you would distribute and then follow the list to distribute as directed, so be honest! :)

Elixirs do not follow this rule. If you want a Strength Elixir, buy a Strength Elixir.

Item Restrictions

Base Item

You may use any base item, but there are some restrictions. The restrictions have to do with the weight of items. There are Light, Medium, and Heavy items.
The Illogical player classifies Studded Leather as Medium Armor because it has strength requirement.

Weapons and Shields

Light | Medium | Heavy
Dagger | Falchion | Broad Sword
Sword (HellFire) | Blade | Bastard Sword
Short Sword | Long Sword | Two-Handed Sword
Sabre | Claymore | Great Sword
Scimitar | Composite Staff | War Staff
Short Staff | Quarter Staff | Kite Shield
Long Staff | Small Shield | Gothic Shield
Buckler | Large Shield | Tower Shield
Club | Mace | Flail
Spiked Club | Morning Star | War Hammer
Short Bow | Hunter's Bow | Maul
Long Bow | Composite Bow | Long Battle Bow
Small Axe | Short Battle Bow | Short War Bow
--- | Axe | Long War Bow
--- | --- | Broad Axe
--- | --- | Battle Axe
--- | --- | Great Axe

Helms and Armor

Light | Medium | Heavy
Cap | Full Helm | Great Helm
Skull Cap | Crown | Plate Mail
Helm | Studded Leather Armor | Field Plate
Rags | Ring Mail | Gothic Plate
Cape | Chain Mail | Full Plate Mail
Cloak | Scale Mail | ---
Robe | Splint Mail | ---
Quilted Armor | Breast Plate | ---
Leather Armor | --- | ---
Hard Leather Armor | --- | ---

Items are then grouped into two categories: Weapons and Shields, Helms and Armor. Helms and Armor may be combined freely. Weapons and Shields may be combined freely. When combining a Weapon with, say, a Helm you'll need to pay attention to how heavy it is. This is true for Weapons/Helms, Weapons/Armor, Shields/Helms, and Shields/Armor.

Light weapons/shields may combine only with Heavy and Medium Armors/Helms.
Medium weapons/shields may combine only with Light and Heavy Armors/Helms.
Heavy weapons/shields may combine only with Light and Medium Armors/Helms.

In reverse...
Light armor/helms may combine only with Heavy and Medium weapon/shields.
Medium armor/helms may combine only with Light and Heavy weapon/shields.
Heavy armor/helms may combine only with Light and Medium weapon/shields.

Example setups
1) A character is using Light weapons and Light shields. (S)He may either Heavy or Medium armor.
2) A character is using a Heavy weapon and a Light shield. (S)He may use only Medium armors and helms.
3) A character is using a Medium weapon and a Light shield. (S)He may use only Heavy armors and helms.

Why do Illogical Players use such strange configurations of items, you ask? Because they're illogical! Shouldn't a heavy infantry fighter use a whole outfit of heavy things? You bet! It's logical. But a fighter using a dagger while wearing Full Plate Mail? Now that's just weird. He's acting like an assassin but walking around in heavy, loud armor! CLUNK! CLUNK! CLUNK!

Enchantments

You may only use enchantments that interact with either their base type or with another enchantment in an illogical or bizarre manner. For the most part you should make these decisions on your own. Here are some examples and other things.

Example
Flaming Club. Why would you use an overgrown match? Shouldn't it just burn away? Flaming Sword, on the other hand, could be the blade of a Paladin and makes logical sense.

Example 2
Arch-Angel's Staff of Haste. This is a bizarre combination. If you have Arch-Angel's enchantment on a staff, why would you want haste?

Animal Example
Using items with animal names that could eat each other is a good example of something illogical. Dragon's Jewel of the Lion... one could surely eat the other, yet they act in harmony. It doesn't make sense! It should be "Dragon's Lunch: Fillet of Lion!"

Attack Speed Rule
Haste, Speed, and Swiftness may not be used when on Light or Medium weapons. It should be logical that a small dagger swing faster than a heavy Great Sword. However, you may use a Great Sword of Haste but not a Dagger of Speed when surely the Dagger should be faster than the sword! Thus the illogicalness.

Wooden Item Rulings
Clubs, Small Shields, Spiked Clubs, Short Bow-Long Battle Bow, and non bladed staves are made out of wood.
Note: Long/Short War Bows are considered metallic. LWB is considered metallic because SWB is metallic. Don't argue with me that "It doesn't look metal." I think Blizzard has another picture for the LWB that they just didn't use for some reason. Just check out the "Elven Bow" in the Middle Earth Mod and you'll see what I'm talking about.

Illogical Uniques

These are the only unique items that you are allowed to use. They are followed by reasons about why they are illogical.

-Aguinara's Hatchet: What kind of idiot spellcaster makes spell-enhancing axes?
-Celestial Axe: No strength requirement but then it has -strength? On an axe? Aren't these supposed to BOOST your damage?
-Wicked Axe: +dex and -dfe? What is this, the miscrafting of a shield?
-Deadly Hunter: Muhahahahaha! The +200%dmg vs Demons doesn't even work!
-The Rift Bow: Talk about illogical archers, they don't even have steady aim!
-Hammer of Jholm: High ilvl but the effects are so pitiful that by the time you find this you don't want to use it.
-Fool's Crest: (+5 and +6 DFE versions only) The +dfe is so high that even taking one point of damage per hit would make the 100 life bonus disappear in under 20 hits.
-Helm of Sprits: How does a helm steal life?
-Stormshield: (May only be used if Fool's Crest is also in use!) The fastblock is useless to warriors. When accompanied by Fool's Crest, this combo would make a whopping +9-+10 DFE! For a protective object, this shield sure knows how to dish out the damage.
-Gleamsong: 76 Phasing Charges. 'Nuff said.
-Black Razor: Essentially, this is a Fragile Long Sword of Vitality. Instantly useless as soon as a Long Sword of Zest is found. It's short timespan of usefulness is why this one made the list.
Hellfire Additions
-Gladiator's Ring: Why would a Gladiator want mana?
-Acolyte's Amulet: Why would an Acolyte want life?
-Bovine Plate: (Must be ID'D) Your brain must be out to pasture to use this.
-Gnat Sting: (Bard only) Bard can't seem to make it fire multiple arrows.

Obtaining Items

Obtaining Illogical items isn't exactly easy. You may gift your illogical character only when their character level is a prime number, but you must skip every other prime number. (This applies to SNOBs, too.)

Gift Guidelines

The gift should be sensible but not something that absolutely must be replaced at the next available opportunity. Long-lasting gifts are great.

Spells

Spell use is more of a suggestion rather than an absolute ruling, except for mages.

Non-mage Classes
Use weak spells vs strong opponents if you're really nuts.
The Illogical meleer seeks to master the art of Phasekill, the superior (psychotic) version of Telekill.

Mages
You may not use page 2-4 attack spells (ones that can cause damage) while in caves or hell. The only attack spells which are exceptions to this rule are Guardian, BStar, BSpirit, Golem.