The Invalid
by LemmingofGlory & Morwen

Class: Sorcerer, unless you are as ill as the Invalid
Tag: INV

Introduction

In•va•lid (in’ve•lid) n. A sickly or bedridden person; one disabled by injury or chronic disease.1

You are an invalid diagnosed with an illness for which not even Dr.Pepin can provide a name. To quote him...

"Oh my, I've never even... wait, is that a...? You're not suppose to get those THERE! AAHH!!... Err, I mean that I've never- Halt! Don't come any closer or I'll throw acid on you! gasps I think I have a solution for you. Now, you just stay put and I'll burn that bench later."

He decided that you would require assistance all day and night, and he came up with a solution that to allow you to live on your own. Since you're too nasty to live in town like normal people, you must make a house out of the dungeon. Unfortunately, there are already inhabitants. Dr.Pepin has a solution for that, too. He thinks that a nursemaid will clear out that place and make it just fine and dandy. Dr.Pepin also made a deal with the townspeople. If they do business with you, he will prevent you from infecting them. Wirt is underage and local laws forbid Dr.Pepin from making any kind of deal with him.

Dr.Pepin then assigned to you a nursemaid. Your nursemaid will change your clothes, carry you around, pick ticks and lice off of you, do windows, hide the corpse of the guy that you killed last week who's still kinda alive but for the most part he's dead and frozen to a large John Calhoun-shaped block of ice that you keep a few hundred feet underground to hide from the other townspeople because they just don't understand the wonderment of early American politician-shaped ice blocks, protect you, fish things out of moats and throw the moat-things at carriages for your amusement... You know, the usual. Do not abuse your nursemaid or else it may leave you and you'll have to hire another one.

1: Definition from The Reader's Digest Great Encyclopedic Dictionary

Nursemaid

Golem's Statistics, as stated in Jarulf's Guide, are as follows.

25 Armor Class
Hit Points: 2(Max Mana/3) + (10 x slvl)
To Hit: 40 + (2 x clvl) + (5 x slvl)
Minimum Damage: 8 + (2 x slvl)
Maximum Damage: 16 + (2 x slvl)
Monster Level: 12 Normal, 27 Nightmare, 42 Hell
Hit Point Regeneration: Normal 1.9 per second, Nightmare 4.1 per second, Hell 6.6 per second
Resistances: None
Immunities: Apocalypse, Stone Curse, Telekinesis

Rules

Start a new Sorcerer and give it a Rod of Onan and an unidentified Naj's Puzzler. Your first goal is to be able to wield the Rod so that you are able to summon a Golem. The Naj's Puzzler is necessary for movement, and being unidentified is important early on because of the -25 Life on it. You should probably wait until you have about 50 Life before identifying Naj's Puzzler.

You may not walk unless a Golem or a non-invalid player (henceforth "NIP") is within the radius of where you can drop items. After that, you may only walk in front or to the side of a Golem or NIP, and you must walk in the same direction. This is representative of them carrying you. Walking behind them would mean that you were not being carried.

All of your level up points must go to strength until it reaches 30.

Dexterity must be base 0 at all times! To do this, before the Invalid begins playing, get a friend to do hunts for Tainted Shrines. Have them use the shrine with you on the level so that, hopefully, you will lose 1 dexterity point. Repeat this process until your dexterity is 0. During this time you may walk normally because you will not be paralyzed yet. You should not use any shrines for yourself during this period. The purpose of this exercise is to reduce your statistics so that you're weaker than normal, thus showing your sickliness. If dexterity is ever increased from base 0, you must have somebody reduce it to 0 as soon as possible.

Vitality may only be increased by using Physical Rehabilitation Centers (Quiet Shrines) and by Medication (Vitality Elixirs). For every level up, an invalid may receive a vial of medication as a gift. Some invalids may wish to let their disease run rampant in their body and thus will refuse medication and Rehab.

Items

Weapons
You may not use Two Handed and Great Swords, bows larger than Short Bows, Clubs, and Spiked Clubs.

Armors
Hospital Gowns (Robes) and Wheelchairs (Medium & Heavy Armors) only.

Jewelry
You must start off with a restrictive (cursed) ring. This is your Hospital Bracelet with which they will identify you. You must be wear this at all times until removal. (Quest needed for removal.)

Before any ring may be worn (save your Hospital Bracelet), a wheelchair must be in use. This is because rings are so large that they're the size of wheelchair wheels. So wheelchair must be in use before a ring may be worn. The only exception to this is if the ring is cursed. Cursed rings are considered hospital bracelets whereas positively enchanted rings are considered wheelchair wheels. A hybrid ring is considered a hospital bracelet. Radiance is considered cursed and the Dark is considered non-cursed.

Any cursed ring that you find must be kept. You may only discard a cursed ring if you find another, more horrible ring.

Death is horrible to the invalid. If they are not resurrected, the morgue is called and they are given a toe tag. The Invalid must, after restarting in town or a new game, put on their WORST cursed ring. (A Perfection/Precision/Accuracy item may be used to do this if it is a ring of -all.) This ring must be used in addition to their Hospital Bracelet (if still attached). After attaching their worst cursed ring, they are now bound to it. To detach it, an Invalid must complete the Quest for Toe Tag Removal. While a toe tag is attached, the Invalid may only used robes for armor.

Enchantments
You are not self-mobile, so Dexterity/Skill/Accuracy/Precision/Perfection are disallowed.
You're not particularly healthy, so Vitality/Zest/Vim/Vigor/Life are disallowed.
You can't be using a bad wheelchair, so Rusted/Vulnerable/Tin/Brass/Clumsy/Dull/Useless/Bent/Weak/Thieves are disallowed.
Your immune system is weak and you cannot be around animals, which may or may not be carrying a disease. So you may not use any animal prefixes or suffixes, unless they have one of the following prefixes/suffixes: Zodiac, Cobalt, Garnet, Iron, Steel, Silver, Gold, Sapphire, Diamond, Obsidian, Emerald, Jade, Topaz, Amber, Ruby, Pearl, Ivory, Crystal, Diamond.

Uniques
This is a list of the allowed unique items.

Armor
Wisdom's Wrap, Sparking Mail, Scavenger's Carapace, Naj's Light Plate, Demonspike Coat

Axes Messerschmidt's Reaver, Aguinara's Hatchet

Helms
Thinking Cap, Royal Circlet, Gotterdamerung, Fool's Crest, Helm of Sprits

Jewelry
The Bleeder, Ring of Engagement, Ring of Regha

Maces
Schaefer's Hammer, Dreamflange, Civerb's Cudgel, Baranar's Star, The Needler, The Rift Bow

Shields
Blackoak Shield, Holy Defender, Stormshield

Staves
Rod of Onan, Naj's Puzzler, Gleamsong, The Protector, Mindcry, Immolator

Swords
The Defender, Doombringer, Executioner's Blade, Lightsaber, Wizardspike, Shadowhawk, The Grizzly, Gibbous Moon, Ice Shank, Inferno

Shrines

You may never ever use an Abandoned Shrine, Mysterious Shrine, Sun Shrine (Hellfire), Fountain of Tears. Goat Shrines and Cauldrons are also banned.

Spells

Town Portal

If you or another player casts a portal within your drop radius (one of the 8 spaces around your character upon which it can deposit items while standing still), then you will be swept into it. You MUST immediately walk into it. This is because you're too weak to fight the pull of the portal.

You should use your own Town Portal when you return to the dungeon (unless you return via stairs). Using another player's portal would deposit you so that you'd land with the portal in your drop radius, and you'd thus be swept back to town. An exception is if a player is standing with the portal in their own drop radius when you return, in which case they can catch you and thus stop you from being swept back into it. Another exception is if you descend the portal at the same time as another player and it disappears. A final exception is if the portal is re-cast in a position outside of your drop radius before your load screen ends.

Nurse-friendly spells
Your nursemaid will not allow you to use any spell which specifically targets it. Some spells, such as blood star, are hated by nursemaids and you are not allowed to use them at all.

Banned for Targeting Nurses: Chain Lightning, Blood Star, Immolation, Nova
Banned for Extreme Damage: Fireball
Restricted unless your Life is 120+: Mana Shield
Restricted (see quest section): Golem may not be summoned except from a Scroll or Staff until the Quest for a Loyal Nursemaid is completed. Golem books may be read normally at all times.

Here are some allowed spells that you must be careful with.

Guardian: Use this carefully as Guardian can sometimes kill Nursemaid.
Flash: Use this only when Nursemaid is away from you. This spell can sometimes knock Nursemaid flat on its ass in one blow.
Elemental: Don't target a monster that is near Nursemaid
Flame Wave: Don't cast this so that it hits Nursemaid

Other unmentioned spells are allowed.

If a particular variant wishes to kill your nurse because it's a demon or for other reasons which are written into their particular variant, tell them it is your Nurse and not a demon. If they keep killing it even after you have explained to them that it is NOT some sort of jujudemon but rather your nurse, you may dispose of them as many times as they disposed of your nursemaids. After all, they don't work cheap and you need compensation.

Quests

1) The Quest for Zen

Part 1: The Quest for Balance
This quest must be completed before you may step on grassy areas in town. Since you start out each game having to step on a grassy area, you must immediately go south to the foot path and follow it to town square. That is the only time that you may travel upon grassy areas in town before this quest is completed. Your quest is to find an item "of Balance." Once you've found it, it also must be kept in your backpack at all times (unless you choose to wear it). As long as an item "of Balance" is kept, you may travel off of roads that are in town. The item "of Balance" may be replaced if you wish. (If you find a Cape of Balance you might want to toss it aside if you find a Ring of Balance, simply because it takes up less pack space.)

Part 2: The Quest for Stability
This quest must be completed before you may use basic wheelchair (medium armors). You must find and keep an item "of Stability" before you may use basic wheelchairs. An item "of Stability" (or "of Harmony") must be used whenever you are using a basic wheelchair.

Part 3: The Quest for Harmony
This quest must be completed before you may use deluxe wheelchairs (heavy armors). You must find and keep an item "of Harmony" before you may use deluxe wheelchairs. An item of Harmony must be used whenever you are using a deluxe wheelchair.

Items described in the two previous sections must be of allowed base type.

2) Quest for Wheelchair Accessibility
This Quest must be completed before you may enter the Caves. This Quest must be completed before you may use Wheelchairs.

You must petition Mayor Cain to give wheelchair accessibility to all of Tristram! To make a petition, go speak with 10 boss monsters and ask them to sign it. If they do not sign it, make them sign it... in BLOOD!

An alternative way of doing this is to enter public games and spread this message: "Fellow Tristramians, lend me your Ears for I have a message for all to hear!" Tell them of your plight. Ask them if they will lend their ear (as in "Ear of [Character Name]") to you so that Mayor Cain will install Wheelchair Access to all of Tristram. If they will not lend their ear, you might need to forcibly take it from them. Teach those blasted walkies¹ a lesson: "Don't mess with the handicapped!" You need 10 ears in order to get Mayor Cain to grant wheelchair accessibility.

Reward
Wheelchairs may be used (so long as you use an item of Stability/Harmony) and the Caves may be entered.

¹: The Invalid's slang for those who can walk.

3) Quest for Hospital Bracelet/Toe Tag Removal
You must find a way to remove your Tristram Hospital Bracelet/Tristram Toe Tag. You're not quite sure how they sealed it, but this flimsy piece of paper is impossible to pry off! You believe that it is magically sealed. Fighting magic with magic might seem like a fun idea, but finding magical attackers to fry it to bits would take too long. Your only way to pry it off is to guess its durability and then get the crap kicked out of you until it breaks.

Obtain an item that has as much durability as the Bracelet has negative effect. The durability mustn't be exact- it may be more, but not less. (Examples: A radiance ring would require a 40 durability item. A trouble ring would require |X| multiplied by 4 durability. If the ring is -6 to all, then you would require |-6| x 4, or a 24 durability item.)

Equip both the Bracelet and the item with similar durability. Go into the dungeon and get the crap beaten out of you until the item that you're wearing (the one with durability which represents the cursed item) breaks. The item must be broken from full durability, you may not die during this process, and you may not return to town until the item breaks. If you die you must repair the item and reattempt this task later. If you succeed in having the item break, then the Bracelet/Tag is now broken and you may remove it!

4) The Ice Shank
During your long hospital stays, you've taught yourself to sculpt popsicles into various shapes and you very much enjoy this hobby. It is for this reason that you seek the only ice item in Diablo. Once found, you shall become renowned as a master ice sculptor!

Once the Ice Shank is found and identified you must find some way to use it. Kill any boss creature by using ONLY Ice Shank. Stone Curse may NOT be used on the boss creature while you are swinging at the boss creature. Once the monster is dead, you have crafted the PERFECT likeness of the demon... in ice! Have a warrior repair your Ice Shank by using his skill. This durability loss is to show that ice was chipped away and a sculpture was created. Be sure to show off your masterpiece. :)

5) Quest for a Loyal Nursemaid
You may not summon a Nurse except from an agency until this quest is completed.
This quest must be done solo or with a meleeing co-op partner (not plural!) who is clvl 25 or lower and has not yet been able to handle level 15 solo.

To begin with, your nursemaids are from an agency (staff/scroll). You seek a nursemaid that will stick with you forever. If you and nursemaid work in harmony, that particular nursemaid will stay with you as a loyal servant.

Go to Hell level 15 (any difficulty). Clear level 15 without going to town at all (if co-op, partner may not return to town either). Nursemaid MUST be summoned before you start killing anything. Nursemaid must live. No Nursemaid deaths are allowed. If Nursemaid dies before the level is totally clear, you fail. Recasting Nursemaid counts as a death.

Reward
You may cast Golem from memory! Name your Nursemaid if you wish. And always introduce your Nurse to other players, it's just good manners.