Fatherhood

[Doc]

I am all wet. No really, instead of a pond, I have a LAKE!! That freak storm in SC nailed me. So I send a soggy greetings. I am finally able to go back online.

I have been thinking a lot lately about my life as a whole, and can't help but feel a great deal of remorse over one issue. I have no children. I might be a really strange man for saying that... At least in these parts, manly men don't get all paternal. Well they can kiss my grits... Anyhoo, I do not think I am any less of a man for feeling this way.

I never settled down when I was young, I was ambitious and ruthless and driven and ignored all thoughts of family. I am a happily married man now. My wife, much to both of our dismay, can not have children. This really hurts. It's a bitch.

I am a convicted felon and I have a long history with the law. I am not a bad man for those things, all of them happened for good reasons, well, most of them. These things alone cause me to be blacklisted from most adoption services.

I have found out though, through sources that depend on for all sorts of information, that there are still some legal options as well as some less then legal options for getting a rugrat or two. I am not talking about the illegal baby black market or anything or child abduction, I am talking about spending obcene amounts of money in other countries to cut through all the red tape and returning home with child in tow... But there is still a BIG problem getting the child into the US. However, money talks... That can be bought and paid for as well. In this world, I have found, anything and everything has a price.

And there is the rub. I am not sure I want to do that. For once, for lack of better words to describe it, want something wholly honest and decent. Rather then just buy my way through a situation or side step the law, I would like to do this as honestly as possible. I am not sure how that will go though. They let all sorts of rotten assholes become parents, including people who give birth to children that have no business having them. They let crackheads and alcoholics become foster parents. And yet, I run into all sorts of trouble if I want to adopt and all I want to do is have a carpet ape or two to spoil rotten.

Everything in my life lately has become faded and gray and mostly meaningless. I have never felt so strongly before... I really want this more then anything and while I usually am willing to stoop to just about any level to get exactly what I want when I want it... For some reason something in my mind balks over doing so on this issue.

Is it worth it?

What would any of you do in my position?

Why do I feel this way? Well, since I will try and do the best I can to give any kids of mine good values, I don't want to have to explain to them someday that I adopted them and to do so I have to lie, cheat, or steal. Or resort to blackmailing public officials. You know, all those things I am known for. Perhaps I am turning over a new leaf. I dunno. This is not the post I want to get into that though. I am not sure how to put it. I just want to start off on the right foot.

I am the Dead Old Man Who Refuses To Get Onto The Cart and I need a few more reasons to stick around.

[Sirian]

That felon thing is a problem. Pretty much truncates your options. You might still do better looking outside the USA for a solution, if you want an infant, even if you are trying to do this without buying your way through the sticky parts. Or if you are willing to adopt an older child rather than an infant, hooking up with the right organization might open some doors. There are older children sitting around all over the place in need of a loving parent or two. There ought to be some way to pair you up.

- Sirian

[Justus_II]

I won't pretend to 'know how you feel' as I always think that's presumptous, but I certainly can identify with your reasoning for wanting to do this the right way. My wife and I have been blessed with four children of our own, and one of the things my wife and I have discussed repeatedly is a sense of how important it is, especially now, to raise them with proper values. We look at friends, acquaintances, and yes, even relatives, and think "Why are THEY having more children, they can't take care of the ones they have", or, sadly, "They're not even grown themselves yet." We've taken our share of teasing from other friends about our desire to have more than the average 2 children (or 1.5, or whatever it's dropped to now). But as long as we can provide for them, and do our best to raise them right, I actually feel a sense of obligation to raise as many as God blesses us with. Although it sometimes sounds sappy, I really believe the values we instill are one of the most important things that will carry over to the next generation.

As you point out, too many people who have children are so busy making a mess of their own lives to raise their children right. Conversely, many of the most talented, ambitious, productive people are the same ones who don't have children, or put it off, or limit themselves to only one. It's certainly not my place to judge anyone's choices, and I don't mean to imply that, but I have to think the demographic impact of those two trends don't bode well for the long term. So, as my Pastor often says, Good people have a duty to raise good kids. (I have a similar theory about the makeup of your average jury pool, but that's another topic).

As to the foster care route, we had our own experiences with that system as well. When we had a family member who (as a teenager) was struggling with her two children, we stepped in and offered to become the foster parents. After a thouroughly aggravating series of red tape, background checks, home visits, fingerprinting, and medical exams, we were finally deemed capable to have temporary custody. (Of course, no such series of tests apply before people choose to have children the "old-fashioned way"). The fact we were relatives actually made it more difficult for DCFS to agree to place them with us, rather than total strangers. Bureaucracy at it's best. Their mother eventually matured, somewhat, and has her children again, but I still remember the ordeal, and all I can do is wish you luck with whatever path you take. The journey may not be easy, but the results will be well worth it, both for yourself and the lucky child. After all, by going through the process, you'll have proven a lot more to the child about how "wanted" he or she was.

[Doc]

Thanks for the replies so far.

To clarify, I have always seemed to do the wrong things for the right reasons. Does that make sense?

I assaulted a police officer. I still stand by the fact that he deserved it. I am not repentant over that issue. This was a long time ago. A very long time ago. I don't want to go into details but needless to say, any gentleman, any REAL man in my position at particular time would have and should have done the same thing. As for my other offences, I have committed truly dastardly offenses that any coloured minority in the South can easily be guilty of... Driving While Not White. Inciting a Riot. Public Indecency. (It was terribly indecent of me to go into an all white lunch counter and refuse to leave... Shame on me... I am such a bastard.) See? Here's my problem. All these sorts of things still haunt me. In a sense, my race is still causing me to be treated unfairly, as in my past I was treated unfairly because of the colour of my skin and my piss poor attitude of refusing to be silent and take all sorts of abuse. And now, all these years later, I am still catching the flyback. Because of all of those hyped up charges, I can't even adopt kids. I am not meaning to piss or whine or bitch, but, it really is terribly unfair. For the rest of my life, I will be paying the price for standing up for what I believe in. Was it worth it? Is it still worth it? Lately I have started to doubt... But then I kick my own ass and get my head screwed on right.

I can't go down and explain to the adoption folks why I have the record that I do and try to justify all I have done. So I am forced to remain screwed perhaps... Or, like many other moments in my life, change the rules to turn the game in my favour. Kobioshi Maru? Is that how it is spelled?

I love kids. Long long ago, back in the 80s, I worked with the Big Brothers and Sisters. Then, bad stuff happened. Some real jerks got into the program and caused problems. They had to start doing background checks on everybody. My criminal record got me flushed from the program, which was stupid. I have always managed to get along with kids better then adults.

Being a Godparent has really profoundly changed me. My niece, my Goddaughter, is one of the best things in my life. And it is nearly painful to watch her go home to her parents. I would give anything, and I mean anything, to have one of my own.

My wife, as flighty and flakey as she is, would not make a bad mother. Some might think so... She has severe AADHD. She is, well, pretty much a child trapped in an adult body. This is not a bad thing. I have seen her with my niece... All you parents out there might know what I am talking about when it comes to toddlers... but you never do anything with a toddler that you are not prepared to do one thousand times. Candyland or Hi-Ho Cherry-O, with AADHD and a toddler's mindset, you have a perfect mix. Each game is exciting and new. Ever seen a game of peek-a-boo last over an hour? Adult parents get bored. A parent with the simple mind of a child does not. There has been a great deal of fuss over the idea of my wife being a fit mother. I have already started down the paths of adoption and have ran into a LOT of locked doors. Either from my record or my wife's so called disability. Good God it's been frusterating. This last brush with death has changed me in ways I can not explain. Now, I really want this. And I don't think I will be satisfied with no as an answer. As for my parenting skills... Well bloody hell. My wife, for all intents and purposes, is a child. I have to remind her of all sorts of things. Honey, go brush your teeth. Honey, go get dressed. Hell, if I can do that for one human being, why not two or three? Why, my parenting skills are far better then most I would wager, in looking after kids of all ages, and, most notably my niece, I have handled the absolute depths of HELL as far as child rearing. My niece came and stayed with me when she had a severe flu... Her parents could not handle the situation. Explosive diarrhea and projectile vomiting. It got pretty bad there... My wife was running around with a towel trying to catch "vomit comets" while I stood in the corner of the room shouting "The power of Christ compels you!" The ceiling still has yellow greenish stains... If ever there was a test of a "fit" parent, I have faced it. If only they judged fit parents on these situations.

[Doc]

I am hoping a parent or two might respond to this.

What is it exactly that makes a parent?

Scratch that.

What is the defining qualities that make a good parent? A worthy parent?

I have been asking my self that a lot lately. To be honest, I am unsure of the answer. Sure, there are lots of barely scratching the surface answers... And anybody can be a good model parent for a short time with out to much effort... But what does it take to be a good parent that goes the distance? Realms Beyond Parenthood, Variant Child Rearing?

It seems to me that being a parent means looking back on your own life and realizing and accepting that you have made mistakes. And then making sure that your offspring are not as screwed up as you are. Not all parents are capable of this it seems. Lots of parents force their mistakes and broken viewpoints on their kids, making little screwed up clones of themselves. Where is the evidence to support my point of view? Come down South. The next generation of racist wife beaters are coming along nicely and are probably going to be a good deal worse then their parents. **Shudder**

With all of the horseshit childrearing advice out there now, where does a good would be parent, or, a parent who needs answers turn to? Letting kids raise themselves.Sending your kids to boot camp. Sending your kids to day time talk shows. Bloody hell... I see some of those kids and begin to have second thoughts about having my own. Hrmmm, how about sending some of those trailer trash parents to boot camp... Did I just type what I was thinking? I guess I did. For some reason I do not feel the need to go back and fix it. I am but in the beginnings of trying to plan possible outcomes for trying to be a parent and I am already terrified by what I see out there. Do I let any child of mine go to public school? Or do I screw them of social interaction and school them at home? Bother. Don't know about the school issue. TV? Mostly my TV gathers dust. If I had kids of my own and took in active role in making sure they were not as screwed up as I am... I think I would block out almost every TV channel out there, with the exception of a few, like perhaps The History Channel, TLC, and Discovery. And Animal Planet. But what about those channels? Animal porn. The History of Sex. Seems like lately, there has been a lot of programs borderlining on trash. You know what? How about I take a Smith & Wesson 500 and just shoot the damn boob toob. Oh yeah... Guns... You know, I would make a terrible parent. I have lots of guns. Lots of chances for my tots to blow their little boob toobless brains right out their little profanity scorched ears. I had a harsh bitter heated exchange of words with my niece's parents about wanting to teach her how to handle firearms when she grows old enough. Her mother has doubts but might see reason, but her daddy wants a spineless submissive limp uneducated lump of flesh. And she might shoot her eye out. (We are still bitter and pretty much at war over many issues, college being one of them. Dear old Daddy doesn't even see the point in his daughter finishing high school, he honestly can not see any point in her doing so. I would like to gut him and hang him with his own entrails. Does this make me a bad person? I have already taught my niece to say "Men are swine!" and he is FURIOUS with me. She is so cute when she says it with her little lisp.)

How does a parent let their child grow up to be themselves and not push to much of their own preconceived notions? I see a real problem with that. How would I let my children, if I had any, grow up to be their own person with out turning out to be version 2.0 of me? God help us all, the world has enough gun toting freedom loving outspoken pillars of virtue. Er wait... Something is somewhat wrong with that statement, I am not sure what. Perhaps the world needs more such people? Or perhaps my own opinion of my self is slanted. Seriously though, how do you do it? How do you let kids be kids with out pressing to much of your self on them? What do I do if I were to have a child that would end up being a left wing gun hating pinko Nancy boy sissy? Is there a number I can call for support? How do you parents keep up with all this pressure? How do you manage? I am probably a bit to outspoken, opinionated, and have a mean streak a mile wide. I am probably the last person in the world that should ever be a parent. My niece is barely potty trained and I think I am already screwing her up. It's all my fault that she hates her dolls. She likes her Duplo blocks. Girly toys and little kitchen sets bore her to tears. She smashed her first tea set and really pissed off her daddy. I can't wait till she's old enough for Legos. Erector sets. Chemistry sets, crystal radio sets, all those fun educational things from Radio Shack, you know, the good stuff. Firearms. Swords. Sharp pointy medieval weaponry. Archery. Therapists and buzzword spitters all say kids today need more self esteem and confidence. Nothing says confidence like a nine year old learning how to build seige engines and launching pumkins and or other vegetable type objects. On the other hand, one must also teach social graces and manners. When teaching children about catapults, one must also teach children that vegetables are ok, but, catapulting livestock on your visitors is rather rude. Or raw sewage.

How does one manage the pressure of creating the next generation of adults? Or is being a parent just blissfully ignoring that and trying to survive and manage from day to day? Today's problem; making baby eat strained peas and carrots. Tommorow; teaching baby to take over the world. The more I think about it the more neurotic I get. I am positively paranoid that should I ever become a daddy, the world will most likely not a be a better place for me having done so. Not that I am a bad person... I just see all sorts of fuckups raising kids of their own and I don't think that I will ever be able to do enough to raise my kids properly to restore some sense of balance to correct that. My kids will be raised in a world where their virtue and value can and will get them eaten alive. Where is the balance? Virtue and value are great... More kids need them, but how does one balance being nice with kicking ass... and making a successful life for themselves? I don't even have a child of my own (yet) but already these thoughts keep me awake all night.

If I try to raise good responsible kids who are model citizens... How? How do I keep them away from television violence while at the same time educate them that the Three Stooges can teach you everything you need to know to live a good life? Or sitting down and watching Monty Python... Like QftHG or Sam Peckenpah's Salad Days? Where and how does one draw the line? I frighten my self some times, thinking about these things, then looking at what it is that I do and what I watch and what I giggle inanely at, and then spend a sleepless night over the idea of me ever being an ADULT much less a parent. I have gained a lot of newfound respect for some of the people here at RBD who are parents but still do what they do. I am both profoundly disturbed and filled with hope. I salute you.

[dathon]

First off, I want to make something absolutely clear: I AM NOT A PARENT

I've never had kids, I don't have any on the way, hell I'm not even married. I don't have any nieces/nephews, and I'm only 26 years old. So, why am I even trying to give a response to this question? Because I've seen some of the best parenting a person can get, from my very own Mom and Dad. If and when I do have kids, I hope I can do as good a job.

From my point of view, being a good parent comes down to always having your child's best interests at heart. Sounds easy, almost cliche. But the meaning is more complex than most peole think. It means knowing when to be a parent instead of a friend, to be able to draw the line and stand firm, even though such a stance will ensure slammed doors and cold glares for a few days. It means sometimes holding back and letting your child struggle a little, and even fail occasionally, so that they might learn from the experience. It means holding back the impulse to give them everything they want, to show the value of working hard for something. But most of all, it means guiding them into becoming the best possible version of THEMSELVES that they can be. My parents made it very clear without ever saying it that I could do anything with my life. But they also made it silently clear that whatever I did, I should do the very best that I could. This did not mean that I had to win or succeed at everything. Far from it. What they wanted was for me to put forth my best effort, from preparation to execution, in anything I did. My Dad is a very athletic guy. He participated in track and baseball in high school, and was in the Marines. However, being small and somewhat uncoordinated, sports did not interest me much. Music, on the other hand, did. And my Father never ONCE showed any inkling that he was ever disappointed that he was going to football games to watch me play in the half time shows, or heading past the gym to the auditorium to hear a band concert. He encouraged me to pursue my hobby, and let it be known that he was genuinely proud of me whenever I did succeed at it.

Overall, my parents loved me enough to always try and do what was best for me, with what they had. I knew I was loved, and that love had no preconditions attached. I was their son, and therefore they loved me. Period. I also always knew that they wanted me to succeed not for their own sake or pride, but for my own. They wanted me to work hard at school, not just for the grades on a report card, but so that I would have the option of pursuing whatever career I wanted later. They wanted me to work during high school to earn my own money to pay for things, not because they couldn't afford it, but so I would learn the value and necessity of hard work in getting what is needed and/or desired. And they wanted me to put forth my best effort , not so they could brag about it, but so I could know the immense satisfaction of doing something well.

You mentioned you were worried that your kids would turn out like you. Well, I think every child inherits and learns some qualities of their parents. I think the key lies in finding out who your child is, not who you want them to be, and developing that. My parents are pharmacists; I'm an engineer. I was never forced, steered, or even "guided" towards medicine or the like. My Dad enjoys sports; I was always more interested in reading, learning, and nature (typical nerd). So, most of my time spent with my Dad (my parents are divorced) was going to museums and camping. Oh sure, we went bike riding, tossed the Frisbee, went hiking, played catch, etc. But Dad never tried to make me into the athlete that I wasn't. I'm actually proud that I have some of my parent's traits. They aren't saints... far from it. They aren't perfect... farther from it. But they somehow made sure that I picked up some of their better qualities.

As for individual choices, all you can do is make the best with the resourcs and information you have. I went to public school all the way through high school (I mention this because you did). And I still managed to go on for a Master's degree in electrical engineering. I spent quite a bit of time at daycares/after-school places/babysitters. And none of that seems to have left me too badly damaged I think the individual decisions are far less important than keeping track of the overall goal. Not every choice will be optimal, or even correct. But as long as you keep your child's best interests in mind, they'll probably turn out ok.

Well, that's enough rambling from me. I hope this doesn't come off as sounding presumptuous, coming from a young guy who isn't a parent. But if I ever have kids, THIS is how I intend to bring them up. Hope this helps.

dathon

[Justus_II]

Wow, a lot of tough questions. I don't pretend to have all the right answers (and if I ever thought I did, I'm sure my kids would do something the next day to remind me I don't :P ) , but I can tell you my wife and I have dealt with at least a couple of the issues you mentioned within the past couple years, so I'll share our experience on those.

First, Television. I've got to admit, I've never been that big of a TV watcher. Growing up, I was more into books, boardgames and wargames. I'd watch a few shows with my sisters, MASH and Cheers come to mind, and as much football as I could. I'd also watch some late-night movies (especially after we got HBO). By the time we got married, I'd already gotten a home computer (and Civ I, which caused me to upgrade to a color monitor!, and although we'd watch movies, we didn't watch too many regular shows. I worked 2nd shift a lot of that time, and when I wasn't working back then, I was probably drinking, so TV just couldn't hold my attention.

All that said, as our children started to grow older, and especially as I quit drinking and began to pay attention to what was on, my wife and I decided we had to limit their exposure. So many of the shows were about dysfunctional families, terrible role models, wrong relationships, dialog filled with innuendo, and just plain stupid plots. (and this was nearly 5 years ago, it certainly hasn't gotten better). So we went with digital cable, avoiding the networks all together, and decided we'd go for the 'family programming', Cartoon Network, Animal Planet, Discovery Kids, etc. I spent way too many hours watching History Channel (and a short affair with some late-night channel that had like 5 seasons of X-Files on every night of the week), and kept the kids watching the 'safe' stuff. We also bought all the 'required' Disney videos, and other favorite kids shows, but we also still had a big collection of teen movies, etc.

After a little while, though, even the 'safe' areas were getting out of hand. Cartoon Network came out with 'Adult Swim' nights, which were basically animated versions of adult-themed dramas, heavy on sexual references, and of course the Japanese Anime shows. You've already mentioned the "History of Sex" type shows, that the 'educational' channels started running, along with lots of true-crime/mass murderer series. Just what I wanted my then 8-year old, and very curious, son getting facinated by. Not only that, but the commercials were really getting on my nerves. They'd either be advertising shows I didn't want to watch, products I didn't want my kids having, or they'd have actors and actresses wearing less than HBO used to get away with when I was growing up. I remember one night, I was watching an 'innocent' football game, and went to the bathroom, and my son walks in the living room, and asks Mom who left the TV on one of those bad movie channels (I believe it was a Coors commercial, remember the Twins?). Anyway, that was kind of a final straw, we disconnected cable altogether. We still have the TV sets, and DVD/VCRs, and a good collection of kid's videos. Mostly Disney cartoons, Veggie-Tales is a good Christian cartoon series, some educational stuff and even a few videos I bought from History Channel's website. Yes, we even have the excruciatingly inane Barney, but for the 2-year old, that's educational I guess.

Was it the right decision? For us, I know it was. The kids don't miss it too much, we still rent videos from time to time, which makes it a special occasion. They spend more time on the computer than with videos, which is a good thing, even if they're playing games. Because they have to select a video to watch (and worse, generally need to reach agreement between at least a couple of them! TV is a deliberate choice, not the ever-running background noise I see in so many other peoples homes, where kids walk through the room and become transfixed by some show they probably would never have picked themselves, and meanwhile bombarded by images/language/(and yes, even values) that their parents either don't realize or don't care are coming into their homes. I miss it on occasion, mostly during Football season (I've been signing up for an Internet radio feed for Vikings games). We did go out and buy a cheap antenae during the Iraq invasion, but even then, I could usually get better coverage online. But I feel much safer, knowing that whatever they're watching, either my wife or I have selected and 'pre-approved' or it wouldn't be in our house. We did go through our old video collection as well, getting rid of a LOT of older movies, stuff we might have enjoyed, but wouldn't watch in front of the kids. Most of them ended up on E-Bay. Ocassionally a movie will come out that one of us will want to see (it's VERY rare that we both want to see the same thing!, and we'll rent it, to watch after their bedtime. Occasionally, I'll decide to let my oldest watch something like that, WITH ME, and even then I prefer to see it first. Return of the King was the most recent of those, and he definitely enjoyed it, as did I, but it's not something I'd want him to watch over and over, nor something I'd want my 5-year old to fall asleep to. Anyway, a long answer, but I hope that at least gives you some things to think about.

The second issue you mentioned was public schools vs. home schooling. I'll have to address that in another post!

[Doc]

I am really starting to LOATHE adoption agencies.

LOATHE

LOATHE

LOATHE

Ick.

Could somebody explain something to me? Please? Could somebody just take five minutes out of their day and explain just one little thing to me...

Why? Why is it that to adopt a child from another country it costs multiple thousands of dollars? Sometimes upwards of over 20 or 30 grand. PLUS travel expenses. Or more or a bit less, but that's only half the issue.

Some of these so called "we adopt to anybody" agencies, which are very popular and lots of people use also have a backdoor business going on. I am positively disturbed over this. Mail order child brides. In some other countries, girls are of marriageable age when they get their monthly issue. For a 99 dollar processing fee, and travel expenses out of your pocket, you too can get a child bride. And it's legal to marry them in those countries, and it's a legal binding marriage in the US. Then again, I shouldn't be to disturbed by this, as many Southern states still have a consent age of 13 with your parents permission for marriage... But still. Damn.

Before anybody calls me a hypocrite, yes, my wife is half my age. But she was a full grown adult when starting our relationship.

Anyhoo, Why and how? Why is it I can spend a Franklin and bring home a little girl who by all rights still has a lot of childhood left... Or spend thousands of dollars to try and get a younger child. I am very confused. How can somebody do this? With out knowing why, I suddenly feel creepy supporting any sort of adoption agency, as I know worry that what I spend might go into some creepy flesh peddler's pocket. Pre-Teen brides is NOT a selling point.

So let me get this right, any sick fuck can go and purchase what is still for all intents and purposes a child, for a small easily manageable sum of money... But good honest God fearing couples who want to have children have to spend money out the ying yang to adopt?

I am lost over here, scratching my head, and totally left in the dark. I am so not getting the point here. Am I stupid or something? I can't seem to wrap my mind around this and grasp the concept.

This has not been a good experience and with out a doubt, it has not restored any faith in my fellow man. Individual human beings can be outstanding and wonderful creatures but I stand firmly to my opinion that human beings as a whole species are scum. Intollerable scum. It's reminders like these that cause me to reflect on why I backed away from society in general.

[Sirian]

I am lost over here, scratching my head, and totally left in the dark. I am so not getting the point here. Am I stupid or something? I can't seem to wrap my mind around this and grasp the concept.

The obvious answer to me is that the folks doing the one are not coordinating with the folks doing the other. All parties in your complaint are trying to turn a profit. Surely market forces apply. I would also think the child bride thing is more of a black market that has not yet come under pressure, while the adoption thing has gotten plenty of media attention over time and probably has more demand.

Yep, that would be my guess. Supply and demand, plus one has been scrutinized and bureaucritized, while the other has not.

What can I say, Doc? The world is full of broken systems, injustices, and inconsistencies. You know that. And things stay that way until someone takes responsibility to fix it. Now, one man can't fix everything. He can only fix what he can fix in his allotted hours on this earth. You're already in way over your head on trying to fix things. If you take on anything else, you'll have to leave behind something you've already been working on. You have to choose where to try to devote your resources.

What about firing off an email with the complaints you just listed to your federal representatives? Maybe someone involved in handling the mail will take responsibility, and you'll get some corrective action started. Probably not, but for the time you'd invest, consider it like a lottery ticket. Maybe you'll hit and make a big splash, and if not, not much was lost.


Good luck sorting through the mess. :wub:


- Sirian

[Scrape]

I do not want kids. I love all types of people. Babies are great and cute (cats and certain other animals are cuter though). I enjoy spending time with others, whether they are young or not. I just do not want kids.

I think it is wonderful that you want to adopt kids. To me that is better than having kids. However, I still would not do it. Sure, I am selfish in some ways, but I never wanted to be in this position (in this world, yada yada yada). Perhaps none of us did, but I am concerned about myself.

I have always hated this world...this existence. There are many things I like and love, such as my family and animals, but it does not matter how little the pain is, for it overpowers the rest. Somewhat anti-utilitarianism I suppose, but the pain is not little anyway.

Every day I suffer and/or I watch others suffer. Some of it is physical, but the worst of it is mental. I keep thinking how at any moment more of my loved ones will die. Heh, I guess I do not really care about those I do not know. It is sort of like when watching a movie, you (some people anyway) become attached to the main characters. Many people in the movie can die, but it really only matters if one of the main characters dies.

Erm, right...

I think how so soon, so very soon, I will be dead. Everything I have learned, wasted time studying, people I love... all of it will be gone. And what is going to happen when I die? That is terrifying. Oh sure, I can be like some and rely on faith. But I will not. (Perhaps because I do not have any.) Maybe I should just not think about such things. Ah, but I have to. At least I always seem to. Sometimes it actually gives me joy to think of such things.

So yes, I am always terrified, angry, and all of that lovely stuff. I usually do not take this out on others. I try to help people at times, and I am usually kind. But ultimately I am selfish. I keep thinking about what is going to happen to me. What torment will I experience next? Why waste my time when I am going to die? Maybe I will just enjoy my time before something changes... again.

And back to the kids. I do not like when people have them. As I said, I like people, but I think parents are unfair. Not all parents really, just those that are aware of what I am about to type.

People are brought into this world unwillingly (or so I am forced to assume). Parents are taking chances at their kid's expense. Basically anything could happen to their kid. And then when something does happen, like the kid gets badly injured, the kid does not live like the parents want, or whatever, the parents are surprised/upset/whatever. Some think it can never happen to them. But they take the chance and have kids anyway. Why? So they can be happy? So they can pass on their genes like some animal mentality? So they can give their kids a chance in this world? Oh please.

Then some say, while being aware of this, that they feel it is right to take the chance. They feel it is right to take the chance at their kid's expense.

Then there are the parents that get divorced. This is even more pathetic. Now their precious kids have to suffer even more. (Okay, so it depends on the kids and how they respond, but it is still a nasty situation.)

Even worse are those divorced parents that seek other lovers, and most do it without even consenting with their kids.

This topic just drives me crazy, and I am finding it hard to word everything.

Another bad example are parents that cannot control their kids. (Maybe they thought their kids were supposed to live like they want them to. Remember Dead Poets Society?) Then they send their kids off because they cannot deal with them. Some send them off and never see them again (never want to see them again).

In some ways none of this matters, for after all, I am just going to die soon. Why complain? Ah, but sometimes this gives me joy.

But then there is the idea that since everyone is born into this world unwillingly, they can do what they want to. They can have kids if they want. And that is fine. This is just my opinion. I like people, although this world is disgustingly overpopulated. Anyway, I do not want kids.

This is why I think adopting is so much better, especially in terms of our disgustingly overpopulated situation. I mean what is with these poor people that cannot even afford to have children? Sometimes I do not like to judge people, but argh! Perhaps they have nothing better to do with their time? Maybe all of those many children are just accidents.

So good luck to you, Doc (and whoever else might be adopting). It is a wonderful thing to do, but perhaps it is helpful to be prepared for things that might happen. (But I guess you cannot prepare for everything).

As a final note, this was not really meant to offend anyone. If I did, then great. Sometimes I do not care. I am just expressing my opinion. What is it again...freedom of speech? Right, that ghostly amendment that barely exists anymore. :P

Mmm, cats and bears... I think they are the cutest.

Edit: Noticed one of the many possible typos.
Edit 2: I wanted to add in that I do love my parents. Sure, I hate living in this world, but it seems their intentions were different. Even if not, I would still love them. And it is not that I hate other parents (some of them anyway), but just that they had kids. To them they were perhaps doing the right thing. And if not, I should not really judge them, although I do and will.
Edit 3: Just some plumbing this time.