Diplomacy Master Thread- Helping Your Opponents Beat Themselves

[darrelljs]

Also, paranoia FTW.

I think there is already a cabal with war plans against us, and any negotiations our opponents undertake is to camouflage that fact.

Darrell

I am amending my prediction to include WPC in the cabal, out of spite over the German war.

Darrell

Darrell

[scooter]

I've always wanted to use the phrase "your worthless burning corpse" in a sentence so I can scratch that one off the bucket list.

[Boldly Going Nowhere]

Although I would be totally fine with Xenu taking over the reins of diplo and just letting him do his worst. I'm sure the results would actually be quite funny.

YESSSS...

Suggested draft to WPC:

WPC,

Ah, so not only are you guys utterly incompetent war allies, but you're also dishonorable agreement breakers. Good to know!

Anyway, if you want some tactical advice for how to attack us, I can provide you with a few pointers. First off, I'd highly recommend wandering around up in the northern tundra with your "stack" of ancient units for a few turns to give us time to scrape together some more modern units. That'll really help you guys out and give you all some time to add more archers to your stack. Second, you should attack our Rifles with Dog Soldiers. Dog Soldiers get really nice bonuses against units that we were building back in January, so I'm sure they'll at least do some damage to our current units. Third, when your attack flops miserably and we start to burn your cities, you should totally get mad at CFC and Apolyton and the gang for not clearing cities and gifting them to your worthless burning corpse.

See! Nice and easy. I find if you limit extraodinarily difficult tasks to just 3 simple steps, even a team like yours can understand them.

Good luck!
Sullla

Does that work for anyone?

Well done. As always, you've found the right tone. In this case, condescension.

Totally non-serious, do not send that... or at LEAST don't send it with Sullla's name.

Unless he agrees to it. (Not holding my breath)

How about attaching LP's soundboard remix to the message?

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!

I wouldn't send that whole email to WPC. Just the first line should be enough imo.

Kalin

Boooo!! You're too serious all the time. Have some fun, we're about to die!

Eww, nightmare scenario thought just occurred to me: What if We(can't)PlayCiv gets the killing blow?

I'll do it! How do I log in to the team diplo email account?

How much latitude do I have here? (If my nomination is ratified by what remains of our senate, I guess... the old organs of the government must still be partially adhered to, lest the people realize a coup has taken place). Basically don't embarrass us, right, and anything else is fair game? ASM, your trololololing services will be required.

Troll where warranted, be considerate to those who have played honestly and fairly. Try to be tactful (ridicule in somewhat good taste). Don't make us look bad, sign your own name. If you want to act like you've done a coup, go for it.

I for one welcome our new alien overlords!

Perhaps give us a chance to read your final proposal before sending...

Welcome, Alien Overlord! And, a HUGE thank you to scooter for his great contribution in diplomacy. Though now I wonder if we wouldn't have been better served to just ignore everyone in diplomacy throughout the entire game.

[scooter]

To be clear I would not actually send my message, but also to be clear I've officially resigned my diplo position, so if someone else feels it or something like it needs to be sent I won't put up a fight.

[Boldly Going Nowhere]

To be clear I would not actually send my message, but also to be clear I've officially resigned my diplo position, so if someone else feels it or something like it needs to be sent I won't put up a fight.

Aww, the pre-edit message was pretty good.

I've always thought Seven's "go die in a fire" rant was hilarious. Xenu, your mandate is to end every official correspondence with that. So:

Dear idiot WPC:

wordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswords

Go die in a fire,

Xenu

[spacetyrantxenu]

How about we start with:

WPC,

Ah, so not only are you guys utterly incompetent war allies, but you're also dishonorable agreement breakers. Good to know!

By the way, our excellent former diplomat has resigned because he's tired of this whole sham of a game. He was a good guy, you'll be pleased (displeased?) to know you've somewhat shaken his faith in humanity with your duplicity. For shame. Anyway, I'm the new diplomatic envoy from the Realms Beyond. Scooter was the A team, I'm more like the D team, so my diplomatic skills will mesh well with...well, everything you guys have done so far in this game.

I hope your new allies get more use out of you than we did. I mean it from the bottom of my heart. Here's to your worthless burning corpse!

Cheers (Boos!),

Xenu,
Court Appointed Diplomat

Am I too subtle with the condescension or should we maybe take another stab at it? I think it's too soon to tell them to die in a fire. We have to wait until at least the second date before we try that move.

DEATH TO CFC! AND WPC!

[spacetyrantxenu]

I missed Seven's go die in a fire rant, which thread was that in? (Tell me it wasn't PB7...)

[spacetyrantxenu]

OK so it wasn't easy but I've secured peace with CivPlayers and 'Poly.

GTFO, kidding. I had a chat with, well, I don't know his in game name. The contact from Civplayers. Nice guy. Just to say hi and death to CFC.

Xenu: hello there

Civplayers: hi

Xenu: i'd like to introduce myself, i'm xenu, the new diplomat at RB. i'm afraid scooter's services are no longer required. (since he's a good diplomat and good diplomats are not necessary when one is being eliminated)

Civplayers: ok you are welcome
dont know what to discuss though

Xenu: I don't think there's anything to discuss right now, we're dying and you guys are doing a marvelous job of eating our corpse. keep eating, leave nothing for CFC, that's my position. I don't know about other people, i'm not as much of a consensus builder as scooter.

and if you guys get a chance to stick it to WPC later on...please do. they violated a NAP in declaring war on us.

so...if you have deals with them, be careful. they apparently will stick to deals only as long as they have to.

thanks for playing fairly. it sucks to lose but at least you guys were fair about it. that means something.

but CFC and now WPC...no thanks. I hope your civ, or apolyton, or someone can win this game and deny the win to CFC, they don't deserve it.

that's all I wanted to say, thanks for listening and enjoy the game.

if you guys for some reason wanted to do actual diplomacy with us going forward keep sending to the same account as before, i'm checking the inbox now.


Civplayers: Thank you for kind words. I know that we deserve your teams hatred too for taking part in it and partially organizing.

Let me input few words too. I am still being impressed by your early build-up and was sure you were going to win. But diplomacy has too big impact here and it seems that being best is not just enough. Or you need to learn how to hide your advantage Personally, to be honest, I hate it and do not completely understand how to pass through it.

But what I really want to say "thank you" to your team is that you gave us good and balanced fight. You've done some mistakes and we got some luck. Thank you for not giving up!

WPC is definitually are not going to gain anything from their vile actions

tbh I thought that those were coordinated by your team to deny us land

about CFC

we of course will do our best to deny them winning

but we have to stick to our agreements and cant do much right now

Xenu: haha. no...we have had basically zero contact with WPC since they sucked so terribly in managing the war against inca. they're understandably upset about us getting all the land, but they were so terrible in their tactics that we had to take out inca just to have a chance to defend against the dogpile that was developing. if we weren't under the gun we would have been a lot more willing to wait around on WPC to finally take the cities they were supposed to, but they were so terrible and took so long it wasn't possible to wait.

I wish you and your team good luck in putting CFC to the sword as soon as your agreements allow you to. Death to CFC!

and yes, our turnplayers have kept up the fight long beyond the point of reason. Maybe they like suffering. they're certainly better sports than I would have been about it all. but I don't play turns, so I guess they'll keep fighting as hard and long as they can.

[pindicator]

Xenu, i want to thank you for lighting up my day. Those messages are marvelously honest.

[Boldly Going Nowhere]

LOL. Nice. And, whaddyaknow, CP are honest right back. I guess there is no point in playing cards close to the vest now.

I can't wait until you catch WPC in chat...

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Edit: Not that you really should chat them, of course. We are supposed to be the upstanding civ site, after all. But oh, how I'd love them to see this and this...