Paranoid: An Adventure in Extreme Fishing[Lanun Spoilers]

[Caustic Soda]

I'm not certain I understand your choice of location. Yes, you can get 3 coves and 2 seafood resources, but you'll be stuck at 2 hammers until your first cove grows. Building anything, even warriors and work boats, will take ages. How do you plan to compensate for this production deficiency, Selrahc?

[Maksim]

I'm not certain I understand your choice of location. Yes, you can get 3 coves and 2 seafood resources, but you'll be stuck at 2 hammers until your first cove grows. Building anything, even warriors and work boats, will take ages. How do you plan to compensate for this production deficiency, Selrahc?

Are you questioning Friend Computer's wise decisions, citizen? Only traitors would do such a thing, seeking to confuse and corrupt innocent citizens. Are you a traitor, citizen? Are you in league with evil cultists, trying to subvert our glorious way of life?!

<PEW! PEW! PEW!>

Friend Computer, a traitor has been found and eliminated. I am now submitting forms A-331-X (Post-Traitor Elimination Loyalty Test), and C-230-T (Form to explain bloodstains on an official A-class form).

OOC - which version of Paranoia are we running, by the way - original or XP?

[Selrahc]

Building anything, even warriors and work boats, will take ages. How do you plan to compensate for this production deficiency, Selrahc?

This land is awful It's seriously the worst land I've ever seen in a PBEM. An endless rolling desert in the north. The entire coastline covered in ice. A belt of plains and tundra between.

I could have gotten a 2 hammer tile in radius at the expense of the pearls and swapping a coast crab for an ocean fish. Mildly better short term. Rather have the pearls and the coast commerce.

I don't think I need the hammers that badly. I can make do with 1 hammer citizens until coves come in.

OOC - which version of Paranoia are we running, by the way - original or XP?

I've got a lot more experience with XP, but really this is an odd mashup of Paranoia and Fall From Heaven, so anything is fair game.

[Thoth]

OOC - which version of Paranoia are we running, by the way - original or XP?

Questioning the word of the computer is treason.

DIE TRAITOR! DIE!

<PEW, PEW, PEW>

@Central Computer:

A TRAITOR has been found and executed. Long live the Central Computer.

[Caustic Soda]

Ah, right. I hadn't thought of citizens because they're normally very subpar to urn, but with this map and this start that makes sense, kinda.

@Paranoia Setting: If you're going with [strike]commie[/strike] "cultist mutant traitors", do you have a plan for how to roleplay if you end up going OO or AV?

[Selrahc]

@Paranoia Setting: If you're going with commie "cultist mutant traitors", do you have a plan for how to roleplay if you end up going OO or AV?

Secret Societies and You: A guide to the shadier side of Alpha Complex.
Clearance Violet.
View by lower clearance citizens is punishable by medication testing.

[COLOR="Violet"]
Fellowship of Sierra

The fellowship of Sierra believes that the true destiny of humanity is on the surface. The outside world is a lush and verdant paradise, and the computer is lying if it says anything else. Get back to nature!

Followers of the Fellowship are relatively widespread, especially among the surface world colonies. This has proved a big culture shock to the society, as actual knowledge of the surface world filters back to the underplex.

Until recently, it was being tacitly bolstered to provide volunteers for colonization efforts. It was discovered though that it was far easier just to order citizens to volunteer, than to wait for them to volunteer voluntarily.

First Church of the Orders

A religion devoted to the computer and carrying out the orders it gives in the most efficient possible manner, as laid out in the holy scriptures. Causes a lot of dogmatic backlog, and the occasional Holy War.

The religion isn't much of a problem for the computer, but its propensity to spin off dangerous splinter groups like the Anti-Mutants and the Cyborgs means that it is officially discouraged.

Runes of Enterprise

The Runes of Enterprise are an ancient organization of traders, merchants and profiteers of all sorts. Interested in foreign trade and opening up new markets, they were big back room backers of the move to the surface.

Of course the Runes advocate removing large portions of Complex activity from computer control, which is forbidden. They run the vast back channel Infrared-Market system that allows people to subvert the computers wishes. They are often seen as useful, but annoying.

The Empyrean

The Empyrean advocates a complete phasing out of the computer from society, and a return to human or divine governance.
Obviously this can't be allowed.

The councils of the Empyrean have numerous focusses though. Pro-Tech looks for brand new magi-tech solutions. The Romantics seek solace in examining the past. The Humanists devote themselves to creating a structure for a post-computer government. All of these are annoying, but manageable.

Most dangerous of all is PURGE.

A devoted terrorist cell, of singular purpose. It seeks to tear down the computer by any means necessary.
Rumoured to be led by rogue High Programmer Fal-U-MAR-33 it has brokered alliances between the secret societies and resists even the most stringent efforts of Intsec to break its structure. Besides the cultists, PURGE is the largest internal threat to Alpha.

Council of Esus

++There is no Council of Esus. There is no Illuminati. Return to your Business Citizen++
[[No Other Records or High Programmer Views Exist.]]

Veil of Leopards

The secret society counter-culture impulse. Smash the system! Down with the man! They act as big and tough as they can, selling their souls to demons, stealing the prized possessions of high clearance citizens. Generally pushed into acts of light vandalism, and so considered low threat.

Of course there is a much more dangerous subset within the Leopards.
The Ashen Phreaks.

Ashen because of their unhealthy pallor, after spending all day hunched over their summoning circles. They spend their time looking for quick hax into the magitech systems of the computer. The great dream of the Phreaks is Computer 2.0, a complete upgrade of the existing system, out of the hands of those fascist high programmers.[/COLOR]

And finally, the Great Enemy.
The Cultists.
Clearance Green.
View by unauthorized personnel will be punished by censure.

[COLOR="Lime"]
The Cultists refer to themselves by the name of the Octopus Overlords. Can you imagine the impertinence?
We don't bow to fish!
The fish bow to us.

The very idea of a society ruled by insane beings, with split personalities and an unhealthy obsession with seafood is madness. Laughable.

Despite this, they work to spread their disgusting influence through our society as they once did before the reckoning.

The exact capabilities of Cultists is unknown. It is believed that they can cause unprompted mutations, control minds with their insane dialogue and predict the future. If encountering a cultist, shoot to kill.


If you suspect your colleagues of harbouring cultist sympathies, turn them in immediately. Do not be dissuaded by the fact that those who have been in conversation with known cultists are often executed.[/COLOR]

With obedience to the computer, we will inevitably defeat these foes of all that is Alpha.
Remember to stay happy Citizen. Because happiness is mandatory.

[Thoth]

Remember to stay happy Citizen. Because happiness is mandatory.

Citizen Caustic Soda has been unhappy lately.

He is obviously guilty of TREASON and should be terminated immediately for the good of the Computer.

<PEW, PEW, PEW>

Another dead TRAITOR for you O mighty Computer.

[Caustic Soda]

Thanks for sharing that with us Selrahc. I now feel like I have an even better idea of how to guard against traitors, mutants and cultists than I did before.

Thoth and Maksim, your attempts to kill me seem like a deliberate attempt to damage the happiness of citizens in general and myself in particular. Which in turn seems like an attempt to disrupt our society. Friend Computer has, after all, not just made happiness mandatory but achieved perfect happiness for everyone in Alpha Complex. As such, your attempts to disrupt happiness are CLEARLY an assault on the policies of Friend Computer, which is treason.

Obviously my ability to survive being shot at twice are in no way an indication of mutation or illegal magical powers, but merely your own poor aiming skills :neenernee

OOC: This is fun :-D

[Thoth]

Thanks for sharing that with us Selrahc. I now feel like I have an even better idea of how to guard against traitors, mutants and cultists than I did before.

Thoth and Maksim, your attempts to kill me seem like a deliberate attempt to damage the happiness of citizens in general and myself in particular. Which in turn seems like an attempt to disrupt our society. Friend Computer has, after all, not just made happiness mandatory but achieved perfect happiness for everyone in Alpha Complex. As such, your attempts to disrupt happiness are CLEARLY an assault on the policies of Friend Computer, which is treason.

Obviously my ability to survive being shot at twice are in no way an indication of mutation or illegal magical powers, but merely your own poor aiming skills :neenernee

Obviously your continued survival is dependent on the use of clones. The Central Computer has banned clones.

TRAITOR!

<PEW, PEW, PEW>

OOC: This is fun :-D

OOC: Yep. It is fun. Paranoia was a great game. IIRC it was less than 5 minutes from the time my old gaming group started up our first game until the first cries of "TRAITOR" were heard. Much fun.

[Maksim]

Well, now that you are settled, I can finally post this without fear:

Chief Happiness Officer Fred-R-ICH-3 was worried. His team has already spent several daycycles out in Great Outdoors, beyond the protection of Friend Computer, but still was unable to find the fabuluous fishing spots expected of it.

Their target area had to have great fishing potential - the mission briefing stated a 100% confidence level that such a site was within the area they had to search; such a level was based on Friend Computer's calculations, and Friend Computer was never wrong.

Yet, there were very few bodies of water nearby, and the largest one was, whilst long, sufficiently narrow, that one could see to its other side. Fred-R was pretty sure that this would not satisfy Friend Computer's desire for plenty of fishing material.

Termination loomed on the horizon for Fred-R, somewhat more than usual. With trepidation, he sat down to re-read the mission briefing (fortunately, due to equipment malfunction, it failed to self-destruct). This stated quite clearly the expected amount of fish in the area, and the requirement to bring back samples.

A crazy thought came to him in his quiet desperation then, a flash of brilliant insight. What if the fish themselves have changed in the long time Alpha Complex was sheltered from the surface? Such things could happen, he knew that (pushing aside the thought of exactly how he knew such information well above his security clearance).

He turned to stare at a bushy-tailed creature with elongated teeth and luxurious fur that stared at him intently. A plan was formed in his mind then:

- Here, fishy, fishy, fishy...

...Troubleshooter Team Supervisor Yenn-G-ELS-5 was reading through Team Gamma's report in rising state of befuddlement. According to it, the fish outside have mutated to acquire fur that enabled them to survive on land during the times of the year when the water receded.

A picture was helpfully provided, showing Team Leader Ka-R-LLL-2 holding a furry fish in one hand, and expressing his happiness by the raised thumb of another. In the background of the picture, Chief Hygiene Officer Ma-R-XXX-1 was holding a surprise fishing rod inspection for the rest of the team, who, at the time, were doing a passable rendition of the Alpha Complex hymn.

This - this she could believe in, just about. However, the next report proceeded to claim that fish then went on to grow to a large size and acquire horns for reasons unknown. This seemed much more far-fetched. And as to reports of other fish making noises best described as "Moo!", well, it was obvious what has happened, thought Yenn-G.

The world outside must have mutated much faster and much more than could be expected. All teams sent outside must have been irrevocably contaminated by now. It was obvious what had to be done.

With a quick flick of the wrist, she signed off on the termination orders of all exploration teams.

Friend Computer, I would like to request the following information, provided it is not above my security clearance:

1) Once research into large-scale fishing using nets is complete, what shall our R&D department concentrate on next?

2) As contact has been made with other survivors of the catastrophe, what approach are we taking to them, and what are our eventual goals in regard to them?

3) Are there any locations that we plan to build outposts at?

4) What is Friend Computer's general assessment of the Great Outdoors?

Thank you, Friend Computer. I will now return to my quarters and polish the tips of my shoelaces, as required by my troubleshooter team's Hygiene Officer.