Paranoid: An Adventure in Extreme Fishing[Lanun Spoilers]

[Caustic Soda]

Obviously your continued survival is dependent on the use of clones. The Central Computer has banned clones.

TRAITOR!

<PEW, PEW, PEW>

Thoth used "Aimin, wot'z dat?" - Caustic Soda avoided the attack.

Caustic Soda used "Flamethrower"... [does it hit? your call]

Friend Computer, I would like to request the following information, provided it is not above my security clearance:

OOC: It's been a while since I read up on the Paranoia rules, but wasn't it illegal to ask if something was of a security clearance that one could access? On the grounds that if you asked for something above your clearance, you were exceeding your bounds, and if you asked in a roundabout way, you got executed for being a smartass.

[Thoth]

Friend Computer, I would like to request the following information, provided it is not above my security clearance:

OOC: It's been a while since I read up on the Paranoia rules, but wasn't it illegal to ask if something was of a security clearance that one could access? On the grounds that if you asked for something above your clearance, you were exceeding your bounds, and if you asked in a roundabout way, you got executed for being a smartass.

Central Computer! I have found two more traitors.

Maksim is an obvious TRAITOR for asking about his security clearance and the clone known as Caustic Soda is obviously a TRAITOR for not reporting him and executing him immediately.

<PEW, PEW, PEW>
<PEW, PEW, PEW>

Wise is the Central Computer.

[Caustic Soda]

Central Computer! I have found two more traitors.

Maksim is an obvious TRAITOR for asking about his security clearance and the clone known as Caustic Soda is obviously a TRAITOR for not reporting him and executing him immediately.

<PEW, PEW, PEW>
<PEW, PEW, PEW>

Wise is the Central Computer.

Thoth, your repeated attacks on loyal servants of Friend Computer proves you a traitor, and your inability to hit indicates degenerated eyesight caused by mutation.

Prepare to DIE Mutant-Traitor!

<FWOOSH>

OOC: It just occurred to me that our more-or-less random banter might end up cluttering the thread. If it ever gets annoying, Selrahc, just say so and we'll stop.

[Selrahc]

1) Once research into large-scale fishing using nets is complete, what shall our R&D department concentrate on next?


Than you for enquiring into this topic. Due to your concern for the technological development of the complex, you have been volunteered to take part in the next 7 ongoing live subject experiments. Please report to the research lab of Dr. Johan-B-LUD-3 after this session.

Research priority list:
1. Ancient Chants.
2. Mysticism.
3. Philosophy.
4. Way of the Wicked.
5. Knowledge of the Ether.
6. ++This information is not available at your security clearance++
7. ++This information is not available at your security clearance++

Clearance Yellow

[COLOR="Yellow"]
Excerpt from the Minutes of the Technology Council.

John-B [Lead Researcher, Sailing team]:... and so fishing yields would be increased by up to 50%. In addition to potential military applications, I believe it is clear we should start research into sailing.

Alan-U[Head of R&D]: Hmm. Yeah. No.

Suzi-U[Head of HPD & Mind Control]: We're just not seeing the applications for the clone on the street. What do they care about these lighthouse things? At the moment, Bouncy Bubble Beverage is "in". Maybe you should rework this sailing thingy to be more relevant to B3.

John-B: But High Programmers, I-

"Dangerous" Dan-U[head of Intsec]: Frankly, I'm more worried about who is ordering you to bring this idea to us. Send our best personnel sailing out into the ocean, on fragile wooden vessels? Right into the maws of your octopus overlords, more likely.

John-B: [aghast] What?! No!

Dan-U: Raising your voice to the high programmers now? Further proof of your treason.

John-B: No, I-

Dan-U: It's no use arguing. Luckily a loyal citizen decided to undermine your pernicious scheme. We have all the evidence we need.
[He waves a stack of papers clearly showing John-B in an "I ♥ Cthulhu" T-shirt, kissing an octopus]

John-B: Oh, screw it. Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn!

[John-B attempts to escape auditorium]
[Muffled shouts and screams. John-B is dragged away]

Announce-bot: Next proposal we have is from Teela-O, on behalf of the Ancient Chants subcommittee.

Teela-O: I'd like to talk to you about a little idea we've had.
[Background music starts to play, exhorting the virtues of Bouncy Bubble Beverage]
Teela-O: They're called "Advertising Jingles" and we in the ancient chants team think that they'll revolutionize the way the masses respond to pre approved messages. With just a small increase in spending, we could see workers consumption of goods treble, in just...
[/COLOR]

2) As contact has been made with other survivors of the catastrophe, what approach are we taking to them, and what are our eventual goals in regard to them?

All out of complex creatures are cultist mutant freaks until reported otherwise. We have always been at war with Eastasia.

Clearance UV

Attempts to provide convoluted and distracting diplomacy seem to be working, and will merit a full update in time.

3) Are there any locations that we plan to build outposts at?
Clearance OOC
Unauthorized view will be punished by poking with a sharp stick until sorry.

Second or third city. Dual crabs. 2 coves. Penguins for +1happy.

There is a site which gets 1 cove and fish between this site and the capital, but requires a border pop to even get the cove.

4) What is Friend Computer's general assessment of the Great Outdoors?

Outside of specially pre-selected locations, the Outdoors is an uninhabitable wasteland, filled with disease and death.

For proof of this, see attached vidlog of northern troubleshooter teams engaged in routine surveillance.

Clearance Red

[COLOR="Red"]

Note that in conducting regular day to day activities, the exploration team has been exposed to deadly pathogen known as "Surface Plague" or "FEV", believed to be responsible for the wide scale mutations plaguing the surface world.

These troubleshooters have been removed from the active pool, and their gene records purged.

General surface exploration reveals widespread terrain degeneration. No terrain designated "Grassland" has been found. Widespread desert, ice, and tundra has been reported. Desert rivers do not produce flood plains.

Complex Personnel below Red Clearance are not authorized for surface access or knowledge. Personnel of Red clearance or higher must pass standardized psychiatric test and follow all recommended hygiene protocols.
[/COLOR]

[Selrahc]

Lets talk a little about Hyborem.


The Infernals are a very interesting civilization. In seeing the marginal land quality and extensive deserts of this map, I've become even more determined to stake my claim to them.

Food and Terrain (No Food and Hell Terrain)

Now the chief distinguishing feature of the Infernals is their population mechanic. They don't get food. Their population doesn't starve or grow naturally. Instead, their population rises as evil units or cities are destroyed. If the Evil religions are widespread the Infernal cities can become frighteningly big. The biggest break for the Infernals can often be gaining access to the various unlimited specialist civics.

I've got some plans for this mechanic. If I bring Hyborem in early and "vassalize" an unluicky foe, that can provide me with a population battery for the rest of the game. If I lock someone into providing me with easily killed Ashen Veil savants for the slaughter in return for not killing them then my population will skyrocket. I'm hoping to get some truly scary cities by the end game.


This map is very low on food. Very bad for almost every civilization. For the Infernals though, it is a good thing. As well, the vast deserts and plains will eventually be transformed into a raging field of fire. A demonic highway that only a choice few units can enter without magical assistance.

Hell Terrain spreads as follows: Into Hyborem Lands automatically. Into Ashen Veil lands at any Armageddon Counter. Into unowned land at 25 AC. Into Evil land at 50AC. Into Neutral land at 75AC.

Hell Terrain has the following effects: Removes Forests, Jungles and Flood Plains. Converts resources into hell resources. Creates flames in desert tiles.

Aside from that, the changes are basically cosmetic, although demons also get a military boost in hell terrain. It can have very different effects on different civilizations... to Elves it is the end of the world as their forests vanish forever. To a civilization based around floodplains it is similarly devastating. Any civilization that has a lot of resources could be sorely hit by the change of their resources to hell equivalents. If you have land that is mostly deforested grassland or plains, devoid of large amounts of resources? Not too deadly.

The resource exchange is probably the biggest hit for most civilizations. Probably a welcome change is marble to sheut stone(+1 unholy strength, +25% death resistance, -10% holy resistance). Sheep and pigs are replaced by toads(Give a similar though lesser yield to pigs, and health). Horses, Deer and Cows are replaced by Nightmares(Allow mounted units, and gives +1 strength to mounted units). Most calendar resources are replaced by Gulagarms(a happiness resource, with a tile yield similar to sugar). Worst of all the various cereal resources are replaced by razorweed and snake pillars, which have a horrible tile yield and don't do much else.

Buildings and Wonders

Another big boon for the Infernals is the amount of free stuff that gets given to each of their cities. Each Infernal city gets the Ashen Veil religion, an Elder Council, Forge, Training Yard, Mage Guild and Obsidian Gate for free on creation or conquest. That is a *hell*of a lot of infrastructure.

Obsidian Gates may require a little discussion, since they don't normally crop up in games. What Obsidian Gates do is let you teleport one unit a turn from the city with the gate to any other city owned by you or an ally. If you have a widely spread empire, it can be very handy to get troops built on the backline all the way to the frontline.

The Infernals will still have a bit of infrastructure to build, they'll want to build a marketplace, a Temple of the Veil and probably a library for each of their cities. But a lot of the rest of the buildings that aren't automatic are worthless.

Infernals have "Demonic Citizens". This means that they don't have to worry about happiness and health at all. The screams of the damned are the only amusement they need.

The Infernal Palace is probably the nicest one in the game. If playing as the Elohim you should jump at the chance to build this thing.
It gives +1 culture gold and science output to AV temples, Entropy and Fire mana, as well as some very early Iron. It also gives -100% war weariness, which is irrelevant to the Infernals. Lastly, it gives +50% hammers. Combined with God King and a free forge the Infernal capital can get some frightening production.

As far as wonders go.. there are a couple that the Infernals definitely want.

The Infernal Grimoire is the classic. Giving a nice boost to the technology.
Prophecy of Ragnarok is similarly great. Boosting the AC is a very very good thing for the devils.
Sometimes overlooked, but also very powerful for a long term game is the Great Library. The Infernals will be running a lot of sage specialists so boosting their output is very nice. It can also be a good booster for the initially lacklustre teching of the Infernals, before the snowball gets rolling.
The Form of the Titan is as useful for the Infernals as it is for everybody else.

Those are probably the key early wonders. Things like the Crown of Akharien, or the Soul Forge don't really matter unless it looks like the game is going to go the distance.

Military

The Infernals have a few unique units. Most of them don't matter though.

There are really two military stages to the Infernals. Early Rush->Rolling On

The Early Rush phase is dominated by the starting units. 2 Longbowmen, 2 Champions, an Imp and Hyborem, all who start with mobility for quick movement. The Imp uses rust to clear up bronze promotions from enemy warriors. The two Champions pass around Gelu. One Longbowman defends the capital. The other defends the stack from any counter attackers. Hyborem and the champions blitz their way through at least 2 empires, usually joined by Rosier sometime during the mop up of the first.


After that it becomes a lot dicier to rely on 4 powerful units for a military, but you'll have quite a few nice cities to stage production around. There are two units that should be being produced everywhere. Diseased Corpses and Ritualists. These will be the bulk of the military for the entire "Rolling On" phase. By this point the game is almost won in a SP game. In MP though, it's probable that it will be a lot trickier. Grind out Diseased Corpses and Ritualists. Put them into the fight. Roll over your opponents. Repeat until map is won. That's the general plan.

[Selrahc]

Heroes of Alpha Complex: Exiles Edition

After contracting surface plague, troubleshooter team alpha knew that they were dead clones walking.

After days of wandering through the endless desert, they started hallucinating. Eventually, only one clone remained. He chose to rename himself the Chosen One. It made him feel slightly better as he contemplated his meal choices between rats(might bite!) and grubs(might poison!)

After a few days, the dementia set in. Surely the computer couldn't have let a clone escape the complex? Surely there must have been some automatic retrieval system in place to bring him back for summary execution.



That was when he saw them.
Little green men.

Riding on the back of hideous fanged beasts that didn't look like any fish he had ever seen... Not even a pike.

Which had always struck him as the oddest of the fish until now.

No wonder the computer hadn't sent anyone after him. It knew he would be hunted down and killed by alien monsters from beyond the known universe!

He had no choice but to run.

A few weeks of constant pursuit later, he found himself on the edge of a great base on the outskirts of the desert.

This must be one of the prewar magi-tech research facilities. He couldn't believe his luck. Even if it was abandoned, they'd have food and weapons if he could just force his way in.



But he found it still occupied. And the residents refused to open the door and let him in. All his tales about the Aliens and the Computer didn't seem to sway them at all. If anything, they became less responsive.



Kicked out of his one hope of salvation, the chosen one waited for the dread invaders from beyond the moons of Mars to attack...

Meanwhile on Icy shores far closer to the fishing fleets of home the other exiled troubleshooter team lives with a far greater hope of redemption.
Thanks to their heroic location of a fantastic fishing location >cough<secret society connections>cough<, they've been promised that if they can just find a Water Purification Chip then they can rejoin the other clones in the comfort and safety of Alpha. Seeing the state of the world outside that seems like a marginally preferable option, although it is a damn near run thing.



A furtive investigation (beating up some local tribals and interrogating a deer) has determined that the best location to find a water chip is the ancient Necropolis on the coast. The team heads towards the location, but rumours persist that it is filled not just with ancient technologies, but with the walking dead...

[Selrahc]

For those wondering about the delay since my last update, I'm having some difficulties uploading images. And I'm not really sure why....

[NobleHelium]

What kind of difficulties, exactly?

[Selrahc]

Well... Photobucket won't let me upload, and says something about a "Network problem".
I tried dropbox, and it apparently lets me upload but then nobody can see the pictures.(Although I can see them fine.)

[NobleHelium]

Photobucket has a very harsh bandwidth limit on images, unless you have a pro account. So you really can't use that if you have a normal account anyway.

Dropbox's files are private unless you put them in a specific folder. It's called public or something like that, look around on the web interface. The specific folder should have a file with instructions in it. You put the image in that folder, then press a link that appears next to the image name to get the public URL for it.